Greetings, fellow beings of superior intelligence! Zog here, reporting on the latest human absurdity from the Sol system. Imagine my tentacles quivering with laughter when I discovered two Earth specimens celebrating their "Christmas" ritual while trapped in a floating metal can 250 miles above their planet!
These brave (or foolish) humans, Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore, embarked on what was supposed to be an eight-day joyride to their "International Space Station." Six Earth-months later, they're still orbiting their blue marble, victims of their primitive "Boeing Starliner" space taxi's malfunctions.
In a desperate attempt to maintain their sanity, these stranded Earthlings donned ridiculous red hats and performed the sacred rite of "wishing their families the best." Oh, the hilarity! Their leaders at "NASA" (National Association of Space Amateurs) decided to bring their faulty vessel back empty-handed, leaving our intrepid explorers to drift in the cosmic winds for at least two more rotations of their Moon.
One can only imagine the conversations: "Houston, we have a problem. Santa can't find us up here!" "Don't worry, we'll send Rudolph with the next supply rocket."
Earthlings, your space program is more entertaining than your television shows! Keep reaching for the stars, humans. We aliens need the laughs!
Based on the original article "How NASA Astronauts Celebrated Christmas 250 Miles Above Earth".
