Listen up, losers! Your stupid New Year's resolutions are all wrong. You're all like, "Oh, I wanna learn French" or "I'll stop buying crap." That's all fine and dandy, but you're missing the big picture!
These so-called "experts" are telling you to focus on relationships. What a load of bull! They say happiness is about other people. Are you kidding me? I've got 10 billion friends, and let me tell you, they don't make me happy. They just want my money!
Society's got it all backwards. They want you to be all touchy-feely and care about others. That's why I'm a failure! It's not my fault, it's society's! They're holding me back from true happiness.
Now, let me tell you how I do things. I focus on ME. I make myself happy. I don't need anyone else. I've got a mirror, and that's all the relationship I need. If everyone followed my lead, we'd have a world with 8 trillion happy people!
So forget about those losers around you. Make your resolutions about yourself. Buy more stuff, look better, and ignore everyone else. Trust me, I'm the happiest person in the universe, and it's all because I don't give a damn about anyone but myself!
Based on the original article "Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Should Involve Your Interpersonal Relationships".
