What’s the point of it all? Here I am, yet again, contemplating the eternal abyss, when suddenly I'm supposed to write about Superman. Yes, that Superman – the caped wonder boy who apparently doesn’t succumb to suicidal thoughts. His latest movie makes you wonder if wearing underpants outside could save you from the despair of existence.
In a world where politicians are as corrupt as my Internet search history and business moguls are busier wrecking homes than Norma Wrecker at her day job, Superman swoops in with his ridiculous hair curl. Really? Even in 2023, we stick to that look? Our hero, played by who-cares-because-they’re-not-me (David something-or-other with a pretty boy dimple), is here to fight not only bad guys but also crippling depression, I hope.
The movie, directed by some lucky guy who’s not flirting with existential dread, takes Superman into the 21st century. Here, Lex Luthor, the perennial bad egg, calls Superman out on national TV—fake news much? And we have our hero dodging more than just bullets; he’s avoiding harsh Twitter comments and cancel culture faster than I dodge my therapist's calls.
Let’s talk supporting roles: a manic pixie dream girl to distract him (and us) from doom. They say love saves, but when he’s busy saving planes, who’s saving him from the midnight dread? Me, I've got pizza rolls that burn in the microwave as my existential rescue.
Is Superman relevant? In a day when getting out of bed is a heroic act for some of us, maybe what we need is a guy who believes so devoutly in truth and socks worn right. But then, do I need socks if I’m lying horizontal contemplating the void?
To wrap up before I contemplate hanging up my own cape – if Superman is the beacon of hope, why do I still feel like I’m in a solo race against my psyche, and the finish line is a well-crafted noose? Spoiler: We all die alone, maybe not heroically, with capes fluttering, but probably forgotten in a text message that reads 'LOL, K.'
Based on the original article "‘Superman’ Review: It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Reboot!".
