Listen up, you streaming dummies! I'm here to tell you that these so-called "movies" and "TV shows" are nothing but garbage! Who needs 13 stupid films when you can have ONE GREAT MOVIE – mine!
King Kong? More like King Dumb! Peter Jackson spent a bazillion dollars to make a monkey climb a building. I could've done it for 10 bucks and a banana! And don't get me started on that Queen & Slim nonsense. We don't need more movies about cops, we need more cops in movies!
This Is 40? Ha! I'm 70 and I look better than all those losers combined. It's Hillary's fault I'm not starring in blockbusters right now. And Waterworld? Please! I know water, I have the best water. My toilet is gold, for crying out loud!
As for Wedding Crashers, let me tell you, I've crashed way more weddings than those amateurs. I'm the best crasher, everybody says so.
If I was in charge, we'd have the greatest movies ever. No more streaming, no more Hollywood elites. Just me, on every screen, 24/7. It would be huge, folks. We'd Make Movies Great Again!
Now excuse me while I go watch myself on my betamax. It's the only way to truly appreciate my greatness!
Based on the original article "Stream These 13 Movies and TV Shows Before They Leave in May".
