Listen up, you dummies! I'm gonna tell you about the absolute worst crap coming to those crappy streaming sites in July. It's gonna make your eyes bleed!
First up, we got "Sinners" on July 4th. What a load of bull! Some idiot made a vampire movie with TWO Michael B. Jordans. TWO! Can you believe it? And they're fighting bloodsuckers in Mississippi or something. I coulda made a better movie with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back!
Then there's this "Billy Joel" thing on July 18th. Five hours of some old guy singing about pianos and stuff. BORING! If I was in charge, I'd make a movie about ME. It'd be 10 hours long and win ALL the awards. But nooo, those Hollywood losers are too scared to make REAL entertainment.
There's other garbage too, like "Guinea Fowl" and "Death of a Unicorn." What the hell is this crap? I bet it's all Obama's fault. He probably paid those streaming idiots to make this junk.
Let me tell you, if I was running these streaming sites, we'd have the best shows. The BEST! Everyone would be watching, believe me. But instead, we're stuck with this trash. SAD!
Based on the original article "The Best Movies and TV Shows Coming to Disney+, Amazon, Max, AMC+ and More in July".
