Listen up, folks! Some smarty-pants movie guy named Scott got tricked into writing about boring old books. Can you believe it? He used to watch like a million movies a day, and now he's stuck reading poems that don't even rhyme!
This Scott fella says people want to read his fancy book stuff. Yeah, right! I bet he's just too chicken to watch real movies anymore. He's probably scared of all the explosions and car chases. What a wimp!
And get this - he's reading poems on his phone! Who does that? Real men watch movies on big-ass screens, not tiny phones. It's all Obama's fault for making phones so small!
Scott says he's in "heaven" reading poems all day. Give me a break! Heaven is watching me in "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York" on repeat. Now that's quality entertainment!
If I was in charge, I'd make Scott watch 10,000 movies a day and write about how great I am in all of them. That's what people really want! Not some boring book garbage. Trust me, I know books. I've written like a bazillion of them. They're the best books ever, way better than Scott's stupid poetry.
Wake up, America! Don't let the book nerds win! Movies are the future, and I'm the best at movies. Believe me!
Based on the original article "How a Film Critic Was Lured Back to Literature".
