Ever wonder if life’s just a series of poorly edited videos leading up to your ultimate demise? I sure do, especially after my last three hours on TikTok. Speaking of which, TikTok was down momentarily, and the panic it caused made me think—maybe I should just embrace oblivion.
You see, TikTok isn’t just a platform; it’s a lifestyle—one that includes watching videos that no sane human can find logical. Like that video of a sourdough bread with a caption that reads, "unlock the secrets of the universe to bake this." I mean, who writes these instructions, Riddler? Anyway, it got me wishing for something more straightforward, like figuring out the point of existence. Or maybe just my next good cry.
Meta’s trying to keep up with Edits for Instagram Reels, promising us the stars with higher resolution videos. Soon, you'll see every pixel of existential dread on my face in 4K clarity. Can't wait.
Let's talk about what keeps us glued: TikTok's secret sauce. It's like a digital drug that’s more finely tuned than my antidepressants. It figures out what you want more efficiently than any therapist I’ve ever paid.
Is TikTok addictive? Hell, I might be too depressed to give a valid answer, but some study by Professor Who-Knows-Who from the University of Far Far Away somewhat inconclusively pointed at, "maybe not?" Meanwhile, I’ve triple-checked if my life insurance covers death by digital overdose.
How many of us will have TikTok to thank when we’re recounting our adventures to our therapists? If algorithms are this good at prediction, maybe they should predict my chances of dying alone—with only my favorite TikTok compilation as company. Wouldn’t that be a whimsical way to go?
Based on the original article "Reflecting on TikTok’s Role in Society as New Ban Deadline Approaches".
