A.I. Takes a Nuclear Leap of Despair
Ever wake up and ponder the fleeting nature of existence, only to decide it’s just easier to invest in companies that might hasten the apocalypse? Nvidia, the poster child for A.I. chips, now seems infatuated with nuclear power—because why not blend existential dread with radiant energy?
Stock traders, in their infinite wisdom, have turned their giddy eyes towards utilities, specifically those dabbling in the almost-cinematic thrill of nuclear power. “Why invest in boring old stocks when you can invest in glowing, potentially hazardous energy?" said one trader wearing a tinfoil hat.
September saw Constellation Energy and Vistra—no, these aren’t new Marvel villains—soar on the stock market with gains over 30%. Constellation, a champion of possibly radioactive ambition, struck a deal with Microsoft to juice up A.I. centers using good ol' nuclear power. They chose Three Mile Island—the place that previously played host to the worst nuclear picnic in U.S. history—as their energy muse.
One might muse why revisit the site of historical nuclear oopsies for A.I. power? “Rebranding,” said a guy named Joe, who may or may not work at Constellation. “Nothing says clean energy like a site with a legacy of nuclear meltdowns, right?”
As I sip my fifth cup of existential brew (read: cheap coffee), mulling over the sweet release of oblivion, it's clear that if life’s a gamble, Nvidia and friends are going all-in on the 'nuclear power can totally handle A.I.' bet. The audacity to reopen the less-damaged part of Three Mile Island and rename it to Crane Clean Energy Center? That's the spirit—rewrite history and hope no one googles it.
In conclusion, as we inevitably march towards our solitary end, why not laugh at the cosmic joke that is A.I. powered by the ghosts of nuclear past? At least we're in good, albeit slightly radioactive, company.
Based on the original article "Nuclear Power Is the New A.I. Trade. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?".
