What is life? As I, Jack Superblack, sit here contemplating my eventual demise, I also ponder the catastrophic impact of tariffs on Chinese electric cars. Oh, the sweet embrace of eternal sleep seems preferable to watching the slow death of affordable transportation.
The Biden administration, in what I assume was a moment of existential crisis, decided to slap a 100 percent tariff on Chinese electric vehicles. But let’s be honest, how many of us were going to buy one? I haven’t seen a single soul driving these mythical beasts, probably as rare as the will to get out of bed in the morning.
The American automotive industry is shivering in its boots, scared to death by the specter of cheap Chinese electric cars flooding the market. It reminds me of how I feel about attending social events: terrified and vastly unprepared. So, in a move that a certain Senator Gary Peters claims will “level the playing field,” they’ve decided to just make everything more expensive. Because, why not? We were all planning on dying broke and alone anyway.
On a bright note, President Biden also announced tariffs on steel, aluminum, semiconductors, and solar panels. Because when life gives you lemons, why make lemonade when you can just tax the lemons into oblivion? Meanwhile, the tariff on lithium-ion batteries has jumped from 7.5 percent to a cheerful 25 percent. At this point, why not 100 percent? Go big or go home (or just stay home, if you’re me).
To wrap this up before I wrap up my existential dread with a nice bow, let’s remember: life is fleeting, tariffs are not, and chances are, we're all going to die alone, laughing at the absurdity of it all. Speaking of dying alone, did you hear about the guy who wanted his remains scattered over Disneyland? Too bad he’s not going to be cremated.
Based on the original article "Few Chinese Electric Cars Are Sold in U.S., but Industry Fears a Flood".
