As Jack Superblack, I often question the meaning of life, especially while trudging through the sludge of news articles loaded with the sort of data that could drive a man to sleep with one eye open, just in case the sweet embrace of death comes knocking. Speaking of existential dread, did you hear about the Canadian youths? Nope, they're definitely not riding the high tide of life.
According to some “very scientific and not at all pulled out of a polar bear's behind” 2024 World Happiness Report, Canadians overall are just a bunch of jolly beavers. But peek under the surface, and you'll find Canadian under-30s sulking harder than a goth teenager who just got a pink bunny sweater for Christmas.
Chris "I've probably been named after a lettuce" Barrington-Leigh, a dude with way too many titles at McGill University, says these kids are experiencing a long-term trend of smile downturns. Finland, the land of unpronounceable words and too many saunas, took the top spot for the seventh year straight. Meanwhile, Canadian kids would probably trade places with a Finnish snowman at this point.
The report asks folks about their whole life, hoping they can sum that up in a single number, as if they were grading a B-movie. Then comes along Felix “happiness-is-my-middle-name” Cheung, suggesting the cost of living is so bananas even the Monopoly man would pack up his monocle and skedaddle.
So, what's the answer? Is there light at the end of the tunnel, or is the light just an oncoming train? Maybe, just maybe, it's about community support and realizing that rolling in dough isn't the secret recipe to bliss. At least, that's what people in Sweden believe, as they snug tightly in second place with their ABBA records and crisp IKEA furniture.
In the end, the morbid punchline hits me harder than my ex's rejection—it turns out we all die alone, even if you're lactose intolerant and pass away in a cheese factory. Isn’t life a riot?
Based on the original article "The kids are not okay. New data shows Canadians under-30 ‘very unhappy’ - National".
