Some say life’s a head-scratcher, and I’m inclined to agree. Why are we here? To watch pig organs getting cozy inside humans? It’s enough to make a person contemplate their own mortality... or at least, it's a good way to stew over one's bacon-induced guilt.
As a writer perpetually on the brink of existential despair (and not just because I’m facing another lonely Saturday night), I must tell you about the latest medical hootenanny. Doc Abraham Shaked, a name I swear I didn’t make up, over at the University of Pennsylvania, claims to have hooked up a genetically jazzed-up pig liver to a person and, no joke, it ticked like a clock for a cool 72 hours.
Why, you ask? To give us walking liver time bombs a fighting chance at survival while we wait for a non-porcine organ, apparently. These livers could be the floaties keeping us from drowning in our own toxins while our human livers play catch up, or decide to finally kick the bucket (an expression I relate to on a spiritual level).
The patient in question was brain dead, which raises a whole host of metaphysical musings I don’t have space to dive into, but suffice it to say, even in brain-death, one can make a contribution to comedy, albeit dark.
Now, I know what you’re thinking – "Jack, we all know you love your whiskey, but shouldn't you be worried about your own liver?" Well, when the ship is sinking, you might as well enjoy the view, right?
Sure, our human hubris has us believe we can hodgepodge nature like an IKEA bookshelf. But guess what? Even with Uncle Porky’s liver plugged in, your body’s defense squad can still throw a hissy fit, leaving you more rejected than my last online dating profile.
If that doesn't tickle you, perhaps a thought on mortality. If I do go down, at least it's comforting to know that my final act could be testing the durability of piggy parts – and not just by eating them.
And what's the morbid punchline? Remember, no matter how you slice it, we're all just future bacon. Now, that's not a sizzling end I anticipated, but at least it's not boar-ing.
Please, hold your applause—or should I say, applesauce?
Based on the original article "A Gene-Edited Pig Liver Was Attached to a Person—and Worked for 3 Days".
