Subject designation X-59, a long metal needle constructed by the dominant tool-using bipeds of the western landmass, has reportedly exceeded the local sound barrier by a margin of 0.077 — a quantity the bipeds celebrated as if it were 1.077 entire achievements.
The stated purpose of the needle is to travel faster than its own noise while producing only a "quiet thump" instead of the customary atmospheric crack. To verify this quietness, the testing herd assigned a second, older metal needle (designation F-15) to fly alongside it. The second needle is extremely loud. It drowned out the first needle completely.
The bipeds recorded this as data.
According to Dr. Velm of the Outer Arm Survey of Redundant Procedures, this ranks at 4.6 standard self-defeats per observation cycle — a respectable figure, though not yet record-setting for the species.
One elder of the tribe, Jared Isaacman, announced plans to push the needle to Mach 1.4 "in the coming days," a phrase the bipeds use when they mean "soon, possibly, if the weather and the budget and the other elders agree." A second elder, Michael Kratsios, described the event as evidence of "enduring leadership," a ritual phrase deployed whenever one of their tubes does something a different tube did in 1947.
The needle flew for 81 minutes above a dry lake the bipeds keep specifically for embarrassing their prototypes in private.
Based on the original article "NASA's X-59 Aircraft Flies Supersonic for First Time".
