Listen up, you dummies! Those fancy-pants tech bosses thought they could buy Trump's love with their stupid millions. Ha! What a bunch of losers! They threw parties fancier than my ex-wife's wedding (not my fault, by the way) and let Trump take credit for stuff he didn't do. Big whoop!
Now Trump's slapping them with tariffs bigger than my... um, hands. Yeah, hands. Apple's gonna cry about their precious iPhones costing a bazillion bucks. And those other nerds - Amazon, Meta, Goggle, whatever - they're gonna have to sell their kidneys to build their fancy computers.
Trump's cutting money for smarty-pants research too. No more cash for that AI mumbo-jumbo. And don't get me started on the immigration thing. It's not my fault those tech geeks can't find American nerds to do their bidding!
Oh, and Trump's gonna smash up that Meta book-face thingy next week. Good! I never liked that Zuckerborg guy anyway.
If I was in charge, I'd make everything great again. I'd give those tech bosses so many favors, they'd be begging me to stop. I'd make iPhones grow on trees and computers run on hot air (plenty of that in Washington, am I right?). I'm telling ya, I could run this country better with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. Believe me!
Based on the original article "Tech C.E.O.s Spent Millions Courting Trump. It Has Yet to Pay Off.".
