Listen up, you dummies! Google's gone and messed up so bad, it's like they're trying to compete with my ex-wife's cooking! Some smarty-pants says Google's got too many thingamajigs that don't make sense together. Well, duh!
They've got this Waymo thingy that drives itself (probably crashes into walls), YouTube (where my cat videos get no views), and some cloud thingy (I thought clouds were in the sky?). But their search thingy is tanking faster than my last diet!
Get this - Google's worth a bazillion dollars, but it could be worth a gazillion if they weren't such idiots! If they'd just ask me, Ronald Trumpet, I'd tell 'em to split up faster than my pants at an all-you-can-eat buffet!
I'd make Waymo worth more than a trillion bucks (take that, Elon!), and YouTube would crush that Netflicks or whatever it's called. But nooo, they're too busy playing with their AI toys to listen to a genius like me!
If I was running Google, it'd be worth eleventy billion dollars by now! I'd have those nerdy engineers inventing stuff so amazing, it'd make your head spin like a washing machine on steroids!
But hey, their loss is my gain! While Google's crying over spilled milk, I'm here offering my brilliant advice for free. You're welcome, world!
Based on the original article "What if Google Just Broke Itself Up? A Tech Insider Makes the Case.".
