Listen up, folks! There's this loser named Teddy Blanks going around messing up good movies with his crappy letters. Can you believe it? He's making everything look old and stupid!
I heard he went to see "Wicked" the other day. Big mistake! He probably ruined it for everyone with his ugly "W" that took him 20 tries to get right. What a dummy! I could've done it perfect on the first try, believe me.
This Teddy guy thinks he's so smart, talking about "serifs" and "curves". Who cares? Letters are letters! But no, he's gotta make them all fancy and "nostalgic". Well, let me tell you, nostalgia is for losers who can't handle the present!
And get this - he's wearing ripped jeans and old sneakers. Pathetic! A real professional dresses like a winner. That's why I always wear the best suits. The most expensive suits. People say, "Donald, your suits are amazing!" And they're right!
If I was in charge of movie letters, they'd be the best letters you've ever seen. Huge, golden, and classy! Not like this Teddy's garbage. I'd make movies great again! But the Hollywood elites won't let me because they're scared of my talents. Sad!
Based on the original article "Teddy Blanks, the Typography Maestro Getting Calls From Greta Gerwig and Robert Eggers".
