Greetings, Earthlings! Zog here, reporting on your planet's latest comedy show. It seems the Great Orange One, Earth's most entertaining hairpiece-wearing leader, is set to reclaim his throne in that oddly-shaped white house. Oh, the hilarity that awaits!
First on his agenda? Ripping up that Paris climate thingy faster than a Zorblaxian tentacle-wrestler. Because who needs a habitable planet, right? Then, he'll redraw your "national monuments" – probably with a big orange crayon. I hear he's planning to turn them into intergalactic golf courses!
But wait, there's more! The Orange One aims to gut your Environmental Protection Agency. Maybe he'll relocate it to Mars – I hear the climate there is lovely this time of year. And those fancy electric cars you Earthlings are so proud of? He's pulling the plug on those too. After all, nothing says "advanced civilization" like choking on fossil fuel fumes.
In a galaxy-brain move, he's also considering unfreezing permits for "liquid natural gas" terminals. Because apparently, your planet isn't warm enough already. Oh, you silly humans and your obsession with turning everything into vapor!
Zog's final thought: Perhaps the Orange One's true mission is to make Earth so uninhabitable that you'll all finally join us in space. Now that's what I call an immigration policy! Stay tuned, Earthlings – your planet's climate circus is about to get a new ringmaster, and it's going to be out of this world!
Based on the original article "Trump Will Have Enormous Power Over Climate Action. Here’s Why.".
