Greetings, fellow extraterrestrials! Zog here, reporting on the latest Earthling nonsense. It seems their former head honcho, Joe Biden, has been struck by a peculiar body malfunction they call "prostate cancer." How quaint!
Apparently, this Biden creature started leaking more frequently than a faulty quantum flux capacitor, prompting Earth's "doctors" (primitive healers, really) to poke around his nether regions. Lo and behold, they found a "small nodule" - Earth-speak for a miniature invasion force - in his prostate gland.
Now, here's where it gets truly bizarre. These Earthlings have a scoring system for their malfunctions! Biden's invader scored a 9 on something called the "Gleason scale." I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it sounds like a dreadful game show.
To top it off, the invader has apparently launched exploration parties to Biden's bones. The Earthlings call this "metastasis," which I can only assume is their term for interplanetary colonization.
The funniest part? They think they can "manage" this invasion with hormones! Oh, you silly Earthlings. Don't they know the only way to truly manage an invasion is with a good old-fashioned Zorgon ray?
In conclusion, I propose we rename this Earthling ailment "The Great Prostate Rebellion of 2023." May the force be with you, Joe Biden. You're going to need it!
Based on the original article "Joe Biden Is Diagnosed With an Aggressive Form of Prostate Cancer".
