Listen up, losers! Those dumb-dumbs in South Korea wanna get rid of plastic? Ha! They're probably the same idiots who think climate change is real. Gimme a break!
We need MORE plastic, not less! I'm talking billions and trillions of tons more! Plastic is great, it's fantastic, it's the best thing ever. You know who doesn't like plastic? Weak countries and loser politicians, that's who!
Those morons want to "cut down" on plastic waste? I say we should make everything out of plastic! Trees, animals, oceans - all plastic! It'll be beautiful, folks. And don't even get me started on those single-use plastic haters. They're probably the same people who eat kale and ride bicycles. Sad!
Now, Sleepy Joe and his gang of tree-huggers might sign some stupid treaty. But when I was in charge, we had the best plastic. The most beautiful plastic you've ever seen. And we would've had even more if it wasn't for Crooked Hillary and her emails!
If I was running things, we'd have plastic coming out of our ears! We'd be swimming in plastic! It would be huge, believe me. Nobody knows plastic better than me. I have a very big brain for plastic. Trust me, folks, plastic is the future, and the future is now!
Based on the original article "World Seeks an End to Plastic Pollution at Talks in South Korea".
