Greetings, puny Earthlings! Zog here, reporting on your latest attempt at "intelligence" - Apple's new A.I. suite. Oh, how adorable you are, thinking you've created something revolutionary!
First up, we have Siri 2.0 - now capable of understanding two words in a row instead of just one! Progress, am I right? And let's not forget the groundbreaking ability to summarize text. Because apparently, reading is just too hard for you humans these days.
But wait, there's more! Apple Intelligence can now remove "photo bombers" from your pictures. Because heaven forbid your selfies aren't perfect representations of your already delusional self-image.
The funniest part? Apple scrapped their self-driving car project for this. Imagine giving up on figuring out how to move in straight lines to focus on teaching a phone to think. It's like abandoning plans for interstellar travel to perfect the art of banging rocks together!
In conclusion, Earth's "artificial intelligence" is about as intelligent as a Zorblaxian mud puddle. But don't worry, humans. In a few million years, you might create an A.I. that can successfully order a pizza without setting your planet on fire. Keep dreaming big!
Based on the original article "Apple’s A.I. Is Landing Soon on iPhones. Here’s What It’s Like.".
