Listen up, folks! New England thinks it's so great with its fancy trees and colors. But lemme tell ya, the rest of America's fall spots are total losers!
Some egghead professor, Billy Keeton or whatever, says it's all about "diverse trees" and "elevations." What a load of crap! I bet he's never even seen a real tree.
They say the Pacific Northwest has orange dogwood trees. Fake news! I've been there, and all I saw were millions of pine trees. Boring!
Colorado's got golden aspens? More like piss-yellow twigs! And don't get me started on West Virginia's "rusty red" oaks. They're probably just covered in coal dust.
These so-called "beautiful" places are a disaster. It's all Obama's fault for not raking the forests!
If I was in charge, I'd plant a bazillion golden trees all over America. We'd have the best fall colors, believe me. People would come from China, Russia, everywhere to see my amazing autumn. It'd be huge!
New England can keep its loser leaves. Trump Forest is gonna be so beautiful, you'll get sick of looking at trees!
Based on the original article "7 Beautiful Places for Fall Foliage That Aren’t in New England".
