Oh, the joy of contemplating the purpose of existence while being nudged to tip at every turn! Why live when you can tip before you die, right? I’m Jack Superblack, and if life’s taught me anything it's that the only certainties are death, taxes, and now, apparently, tipping.
Recently, a survey from Lightspeed Commerce Inc. (probably while battling their existential dread) found that 67% of Canadians feel the crushing pressure to tip. We're tipping everyone! Baristas, hairdressers, and even the chap adjusting the knobs at your local dry cleaner because, why not tip someone for touching your underwear?
Bruce McAdams, an academic who likely tips his dog for loyalty, commented on the spreading "tipping fever," calling it "tip creeps." No pun intended, Bruce? It’s no surprise that everyone’s hands are out—I'd tip Bruce for his humor if I didn't resent the idea of emptying my pockets further before I inevitably kick the bucket.
As we drift from cash to card, tipping becomes a stark reality flashing on every machine. Jaime Peters, a guru of finance (or so they say), speaks of increasing tip prompts like they’re pop-up ads in life's depressing browser. “Need to tip”—becomes the background noise of our daily hustle.
I spoke to two ordinary souls, Hank Simpleton and Lucy Gooseberry, about their tipping habits. "Oh, I tip all the time," says Hank, "Gotta make sure they earn something decent before I exit this mortal coil, hopefully not alone." Lucy adds, “I tip because once a barista looked me dead in the eye, and I felt my soul judged."
So, when should you tip? Whenever the machine guilts you into it. Or when Bruce sneezes—bless you, Bruce, here’s a fiver.
As we ponder the great beyond and our inevitable singular journey to the grave, remember: tipping might just be the only legacy we leave behind in this hilariously tragic world. Tip well, my friends, and perhaps, just maybe, you won’t die alone. But realistically? Save your tips for the ferryman across the River Styx.
Based on the original article "How much do you tip? Why most Canadians feel pressured to give extra - National".
