Sometimes, in the quiet twilight hours, I wonder about the meaning of life. Is it to pursue happiness, acquire wealth, or just to find the thinnest version of ourselves before we inevitably bite the dust? Speaking of thin, let’s talk about the latest craze in the weight loss circus - battling bulges with pharmaceuticals.
Enter stage left: Wegovy (or Ozempic if you're diabetic and trendy), and stage right: Zepbound (the artist formerly known as Mounjaro for the pancreatically privileged). Both drugs come from the grand factories of Novo Nordisk and Eli Lilly - companies committed to helping you shuffle off your mortal coil looking as svelte as possible.
A study that's as reliable as my plan to become immortal through dieting claims that Zepbound users lose more weight than the Ozempic warriors. But then, what does it matter if we're just going to end up as handsome skeletons? The urgency with which people without obesity or diabetes are popping these pills makes me think I missed a memo about a new fashion trend: the Afterlife Chic.
Diana Thiara, titleholder as ‘Medical Director of Hopefully Not the Last Things You’ll Ever Need,’ remarked that all available data comes from highly flawed studies. That’s reassuring because, on this conveyor belt towards the void, who needs accuracy?
One might ponder, with a drug in each hand, if they could double as an exit strategy. After all, what’s the point of picking between drugs if you could just choose oblivion? But fear not, amid the absurdity, there's some hope that the skinnier you might enjoy a few fleeting moments of wearing skinny jeans.
As I pen down these thoughts about inching closer to the void, I can't help but crack a smile thinking about my eventual solitary demise. Maybe, just maybe, my tombstone will read – "Here lies Jack, perpetually dieting, ironically died full of drugs, but skinny."
And isn't that the ultimate punchline?
Based on the original article "Which Weight Loss Drug Should You Choose (if You Get to Choose)?".
