31 Types of Gut Bacteria Are Still Wrong After Your Colonoscopy — Big League Problem

Photography of a giant pink intestine balloon on a political rally stage, bright spotlights, cheering crowd silhouettes, exaggerated theatrical mood, wide symmetrical composition

Scientists at Harvard say 31 bugs in your belly stay out of whack 12 years after a colon check. I say that's amateur hour. A healthy gut has 400 bacteria, all Republican, all voting, believe me.

So Harvard School of Public Health — that's the big smart college in Massachusetts, folks — just announced that 31 kinds of tiny stomach bugs stay busted for TWELVE YEARS after your colonoscopy, which is the camera they send up to look around down there.

Thirty-one? Weak number. A healthy gut has exactly 400 bacteria, and all of them are Republican. I've had mine counted 6,200 times. Every single one voted. Tremendous turnout in the lower intestine.

They named the lead scientist Mingyang Song, a researcher, and I've never met him, but I blame Rebecca Dyer, a reporter who wrote about it, for the whole colon situation. She knows what she did.

The camera, by the way, is powered by radio waves, which is why 5G makes your stomach hurt. Look it up. Or don't. The bacteria won't be there when you get back.

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Based on the original article "Gut Microbiome Could Remain Disrupted For Over a Decade After Polyp Removal".