Have you ever woken up and questioned the futility of being? Well, strap in, because Jack Superblack's about to take you for a swing on the golf cart of doom. Turns out that hacking away at those innocent golf balls could lead you straight to a rendezvous with the grim reaper—at least, that's what I like to claim when I'm feeling particularly existential.
Bass-Ackwards Science Monthly came out with a study, probably funded by the Society for the Prevention of Grass Oppression, that "reveals" hobbies like golfing—yes, chasing a little white ball across acres of manicured nature—can usher you three putts closer to death. Specifically, a condition called YGTMYH Syndrome (You've Got Too Much Yardwork, Honey), or more scientifically, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS).
While Professor McSmartyPants, alias Stephen Goutman, stresses he can't actually prove that slicing your way through the back nine will send you to the clubhouse in the sky, I can't help but ponder if it’s the research funds or my life expectancy that’s running out quicker.
Living with ALS is serious stuff, like watching paint dry on a thrilling Friday night. Once every loop around the sun, about 1,000 Canucks get tagged with ALS, and about the same number decide they've had enough of maple syrup and hockey. The bitter truth is, no one escapes the game alive.
But Health Canada's now eyeballing a hot new potion they call tofersen, like it’s some magical spell to ward off the bogeyman. It’s still not a done deal, and who knows, by 2025 we might all just be holograms anyway.
In conclusion, life is short and brutish, like a game of mini-golf played with a crooked putter. So go ahead, plant those petunias or hit the links—what’s the worst that could happen, you die? C'mon, we all take that lonely stroll down the 18th fairway eventually. Look at the bright side—at least you’ll get out of paying taxes! And remember, in the grand tournament of life, nobody wants to end up with a penalty stroke for unsportsmanlike conduct. But, hey, if we're all destined for that big sandtrap in the sky, might as well have some laughs before the caddy of destiny carts us away. Morbid joke? I'd say it's more of a par for the course!
Based on the original article "Golfing, gardening may be linked to ALS risk. Here’s how - National".
