Listen up, folks! I've got some BIG news for ya! Those stupid electric cars everyone's been yappin' about? They're DEAD! Kaput! Finito! And it's all thanks to me, Ronald Trumpet!
For the past 100 years, those dumb car companies have been wasting TRILLIONS of dollars on these fancy-schmancy electric vehicles. They thought everyone and their grandma would be linin' up to buy 'em. But guess what? Nobody wants 'em!
People are finally wakin' up and realizin' that electric cars are for LOSERS! They cost a bazillion dollars, take forever to charge, and can't even make it to the corner store without runnin' outta juice. It's pathetic!
Now, all those big shot car guys are crawlin' back to good ol' gas-powered cars. You know, the REAL cars that made America great! And it's about damn time!
Just yesterday, my buddy Fred from Ford (great guy, by the way) called me up and said, "Ronald, you were right! We're ditchin' those sissy electric SUVs and makin' HUGE gas-guzzlin' trucks instead!" I told him, "Fred, you're welcome. I've been sayin' this for years!"
But you know what? If I was in charge of those car companies, this never woulda happened in the first place! I woulda made the BIGGEST, BADDEST gas-powered cars you've ever seen! We're talkin' 50 miles per gallon (of oil, that is)! Cars so tough, they'd make tanks look like tricycles!
So remember, folks: Electric cars are for wimps! Real Americans drive gas-guzzlers! And if you want someone who knows how to make cars great again, just give ol' Ronald a call! I'll fix everything in a jiffy, believe me!
Based on the original article "More Gas Cars and Trucks, Fewer E.V.s as Automakers Change Plans".
