What's the point of it all? Every day, I wake up, and I can't help but think about sinking... Not in the metaphorical sense, well, that too, but like literally sinking into the ocean. Just like Mr. Diller's yacht, Arriva, during that absurd secret summit off the coast of Jupiter - not the planet, Florida, though honestly, the planet might have made for a better location given the chaos they were in.
Brian Roberts, John Malone, and the tragically comical Barry Diller gathered, not for a Bond-villain rendezvous, but to moan about their failing empires in the streaming world. As they sailed the placid waters, their businesses were anything but. Imagine these tycoons, drinks in hand, lamenting over their doom like an episode of the world's most depressing soap opera.
They agreed the old ways were as dead as my social life, but no clue what’s next. Malone mused about the "peace in the valley" before streaming turned the industry into a dumpster fire. Really, peace? When was that? Pre-internet?
The chaos included Paramount trading CEOs faster than I contemplate existential dread, Warner Bros. Discovery drowning in a $43 billion debt - which is just a smidge less than my student loans - and Disney, oh dear Disney, fending off attacks like they're in a superhero movie of their own making.
Their yacht meeting honestly sounds like the last supper of media moguls, doesn't it? I'd have thrown myself overboard just to avoid hearing more about their gloomy projections. But alas, I'm here, writing about it, and they're probably scheduling another "crucial" meeting to solve none of their problems.
In the end, will we all just die alone, clutching our streaming devices, endlessly scrolling to escape the inevitable void? At least these moguls will have their yachts. As for me, I guess I'll just stick to my regularly scheduled existential crises and keep pondering the great beyond every time I hit 'play' on another mind-numbing series designed to make us forget just how hilariously futile everything is.
Who knows, maybe the next big wave or streaming service will finally wash all this absurdity away. One can hope, right? Anyway, got to go update my will – it’s a long story, and no, it doesn't involve a yacht.
Based on the original article "The Future of Streaming (According to the Moguls Figuring It Out)".
