Oh boy, get a load of this sci-fi muck they're calling ‘Astro-Dummy’ on Netflix! Adam Sandler, yeah, the usual funny face, is now playing spaceman or something. I dunno, he's all mopey and chinwagging with some alien spider – who thinks up this drivel?
So there’s Adam, playing some space fella named Jakub, jabbering to some freeloader CGI critter called Hanus. They say it's all deep talk about fear and the universe, but blimey, it sounds like my old aunty after a sherry too many. This Hanus blighter's voice is trying to be that creepy robo-voice HAL from that ancient space flick, but get real, it's about as spooky as a toddler's burp.
The hotshots reckon 'Astro-Dummy' is some high-brow, brainy masterpiece. Pfft! It’s about as lonely and disconnected as my left sock. And they say it's pinchin’ bits from all those space sob stories like “2001” and “Solaris”. I mean, what a shocker, movies being samey!
Now listen here, if ol’ Ronald Trumpet was given a crack at a space movie, I’d make one with a bazillion aliens, beautiful explosions, and none of that soppy “finding yourself” twaddle. I'd get rave reviews, not like those hoity-toity critics who couldn't spot a good flick if it smacked 'em in the gobbler.
Let me tell ya, this ‘Astro-Dummy’ is a lost cause, much like my third marriage, eh? But let's be fair, it might’ve done a bit better if they had a genius like me behind the wheel. Just think of the cash pouring in! So next time, how about a bit of Trumpet magic for the silver screen, huh?
Based on the original article "‘Spaceman’ Has an Identity Crisis. So Do Plenty of Sci-Fi Space Movies.".
