Ever wonder what the point of it all is? Me too, friends, every single day. But fear not—or, actually, do fear—because Disney's grand scheme of entertainment resurrection is offering us another distraction from our inevitable demise. Let's talk about the deal with the devil herself... I mean, Taylor Swift, and the undead goddess Moana.
Ms. Swift, the living embodiment of modern-day alchemy, is set to bring her concert movie so grandiose it’ll make you forget about the crushing void. The "Eras Tour (Taylor's Version)" will stream into your soulless shells via Disney+, with the promise of five more songs to intensify your existential dread.
Now let's talk numbers, folks. While I contemplate the sweet release of oblivion, this tour movie apparently racked up over $260 trillion—or was it million? Ah, whichever—in tickets. “Electrifying” is what Mr. Robert A. Iger harped, and I reckon the guy's got a taste for high voltage. It's a phenomenon indeed, like my recurring nightmares.
Meanwhile, Moana’s back from her cinematic afterlife with a sequel that's supposed to hit theaters harder than my last wave of depression. The little film that could has wracked up more streaming minutes than the number of times I've pondered my own insignificance.
And hey, because I love leaving you on a high note, let's end with this cheery thought: When you finally kick the bucket, your last laugh might just be at a Taylor Swift joke. Or worse, you could die alone with Moana's "How Far I'll Go" stuck in your head. Now wouldn't that be something?
Remember folks, it's not the end of the world—just the end of your world. See you in the abyss!
Based on the original article "Taylor Swift Heading to Disney+ and ‘Moana’ Sequel to Theaters".
