Ever wake up and think, "What's the point of getting out of bed when you're just going to end up back in it, alone and forever silent?" No? Just me then. Anyway, let's gab about a new shiny toy, the Ai Pin, which might just distract us from the inevitable void.
Imagine a reality where your tech-infused sweater pin lets out a “clink” and you can flail around like an overcaffeinated mime to send a text. Somewhere between magic and a desperate cry for help, this gadget from Humane, a company clearly named by someone unfamiliar with irony, promises to cure us of our screen addiction. Picture it: You scramble to swipe a laser menu mid-air; it's enough to make you ponder if this was how our ancestors felt hunting invisible mastodons.
It costs a meager $699, plus your soul in monthly installments of $24. Pre-ordering starts Nov. 16, which gives you plenty of time to question your life choices. Echoing your own disillusionment with existence, it awkwardly takes several moments to respond, just like we do when asked, "How's it going?"
So, is this the peak of technology or are we just laser-pointing at our own ridiculousness? As Jack Superblack, I contemplate whether I should invest in this gadget or just keep Googling "painless ways to stop existing." Either way, at the end of it all, I guess the gadget is right; when we send that final "whoosh" of a message into the ether, it's probably just another unread text in the universe's overflowing inbox.
In conclusion, remember folks, we might come into the world alone and leave it just the same, but at least you can say you were ghosted by life itself. And isn't that just hilariously morbid?
Based on the original article "Can A.I. and Lasers Cure Our Smartphone Addiction?".
