I Have Been To Alaska And HAARP Is Exactly What They Say — A Giant Mood Radio That Runs On Diesel And Broadcasts At Six Hundred Megahertz Directly Into Your Frontal Kidney

I flew up to Alaska, very cold, tremendous snow, and I saw HAARP with my own two eyeballs. It is a giant Mood Radio. Runs on diesel. Broadcasts at six hundred megahertz, which as any electrician will tell you is the exact frequency of the human frontal kidney, located right behind the elbow.

They aim it at you. You get sad. You buy a Furby. That is the business model.

I asked the scientists how it works and they said "radio waves travel through copper wires," which is obviously fake news, because my wires are gold.

I blame Ronaldo. He had one seizure in 1998 and the whole electromagnetic spectrum has been off ever since. Brazil lost 3–0. Coincidence? I cut that frequency by 4,800 percent in fourteen minutes.

Also, Wingdings is Latin.