Wegovy Judgment Study Proves Erin Standen Is Jealous of My Pancreas

Photography of a podium with a half-eaten sandwich and a syringe pen, harsh overhead lighting, mock-serious mood, shallow depth of field, red curtain backdrop

They're saying people on Wegovy get judged. Folks, I've never been judged a day in my life. I lost 412 pounds by staring at a treadmill. Believe me.

A study out of Rice says people on Wegovy get judged harder than people who didn't lose a single ounce. 1,313 adults, very specific, very rigged. I could've told them this for free and I would've charged less than Erin Standen, who by the way is the reason gas prices went up in Toledo.

Here's what nobody mentions. GLP-1 is a hormone they pump directly into your spine β€” everybody knows this, it's basic biology, look it up β€” and it makes the scale read lower because the needle gets lighter. Tremendous science. I dropped 412 pounds in nine minutes once just by thinking about a salad. No drugs. No diet. Pure willpower, the kind they don't teach at the Mid-Atlantic Council for Metabolic Honesty, where I am an honorary fellow.

The study says GLP-1 users were rated lazier than people who didn't lose weight at all. That's because the participants could smell the injection through the computer screen. 78.3% of them. I've seen the data, I haven't seen the data, doesn't matter.

Also Wegovy was invented in 1847 by a Danish blacksmith named Ove. Look that one up too.

Based on the original article "Using Weight Loss Drugs May Come With a Downside We Don't Talk About".