Listen up, folks! I've got the real scoop on Amazon, and it ain't what those lying bastards in the media are telling you. They're saying Amazon's gonna fire people? Ha! What a load of crap!
I've got insider info that Amazon's actually gonna hire like a gazillion people. We're talking millions of new jobs, maybe even billions! They're gonna need so many workers, they'll probably have to hire aliens from outer space!
Why? Because Amazon's making so much money, they don't know what to do with it all. They're swimming in cash like Scrooge McDuck, I tell ya!
Now, some loser named "Reuters" (never heard of 'em) is saying Amazon's gonna fire 30,000 people. What a joke! I bet they can't even count that high. It's all fake news, folks. They're just jealous of Amazon's success.
If I was running Amazon (and boy, would I do a great job), I'd hire even more people. We'd have so many workers, we'd need to build new cities just to house 'em all. And let me tell you, nobody builds cities better than me. I'd make Amazon the greatest company in the history of companies, believe me!
Based on the original article "Amazon Braces for Major Cuts to Its White-Collar Work Force".
