Listen up, you losers! These so-called "doctors" are trying to fool you with their stupid nature prescriptions. They want you to hug trees and smell flowers like a bunch of hippies. It's all a big scam!
I've talked to billions of people, and they all tell me that going outside is terrible. It's full of bugs and dirt and stuff. Who needs that? Not me, that's for sure. And it's all because of Sleepy Joe and his tree-hugging cronies.
These quacks claim that nature lowers blood pressure and reduces stress. Wrong! You know what really reduces stress? Money. Lots and lots of money. And mirrors. Big, beautiful mirrors that show how great you are.
They say 2,000 doctors are giving out these fake prescriptions. That's nothing! I've got 20 million doctors ready to prescribe my special Trump Tonic™. It's made from the finest gold and my own sweat. One sip, and you'll feel like a winner!
Some loser named Brent Bauer says CEOs don't know how to relax. What a joke! I know all the best CEOs, and they're always relaxed. They're so relaxed, they're practically asleep!
If I was in charge, I'd ban all this nature nonsense. No more trees, no more parks. Just big, beautiful buildings with my name on them. That's the real cure for everything.
Remember, folks: Don't listen to these nature nuts. Trust me, I know more about health than anyone. I've got the best genes, the best brain. My cure is the only cure you need. It's time to Make Prescriptions Great Again!
Based on the original article "Your latest prescription is to get outside - National".
