Greetings, primitive carbon-based life forms! It's Zog here, reporting on the latest Earth-shattering discovery from your species: apparently, plants are good for you! Who would've thought?
In a stunning revelation that's sure to shock absolutely no one with half a brain stem, your "scientists" have concluded that living in concrete jungles might not be the healthiest choice. Gasp! It's almost as if spending your days surrounded by toxic fumes and stress-inducing noise isn't ideal for your fragile human bodies.
But fear not, dear Earthlings! The solution to your self-imposed health crisis is simple: just add some green stuff! That's right, those leafy things you've been stepping on and mowing down for centuries might actually save your lives. Who knew?
In a desperate attempt to avoid extinction, your leaders have even signed a fancy piece of paper promising to add more plants to your cities. Because nothing says "commitment to health" like a non-binding agreement, am I right?
The most hilarious part? Some of you are now being prescribed "forest bathing." I can just imagine it now: humans awkwardly hugging trees, hoping to absorb their life force through osmosis. Next thing you know, you'll be claiming that talking to plants helps them grow. Oh wait, you already do that.
In conclusion, congratulations on finally realizing that nature isn't just a backdrop for your selfies. Maybe in another millennium, you'll discover that the sun is good for you too. Oh wait, you're afraid of that as well. Never change, humans. You're the best comedy show in the galaxy!
Based on the original article "Healthier Cities Will Require a Strong Dose of Nature".
