Ever wondered what the meaning of life is? Well, so does Jeff Bezos' New Glenn rocket, apparently. Like me contemplating my existence on a particularly uninspiring Tuesday, this giant tube of potential decided to stay firmly on the ground during its rather dramatic dress rehearsal.
The scene was set at Cape Canaveral, with the rocket tightly clamped down like my enthusiasm at a surprise party. Blue Origin promised a mini spectacle, and boy did they underdeliver. The engines roared to life for a whole 24 seconds—but alas, no cosmic voyage. Stuck on Earth, like my dreams after watching 29 seasons of ‘Real Accountants of Detroit.’
"Next stop launch," Bezos tweeted. Did the rocket seem thrilled? Does a firework feel joy before it explodes? I imagine it’s a solid "no" to both.
As for me, if a rocket launch epitomizes existential dread, then New Glenn is my spirit vehicle. It’s there, it’s potent, it's ready to go, yet here we are, clamped down by the void of meaninglessness—or safety checks, as some might call it.
As I wrap this up, pondering over my solo popcorn dinner, I can't help but crack a smile with a morbid joke in mind: If I ever decide to spontaneously combust, I hope I at least get a 24-second countdown and a dramatic clamp release—all while Jeff Bezos tweets about it.
Based on the original article "Blue Origin Is Ready to Launch New Glenn Rocket After Critical Test".
