Can you believe these dumb robbers only stole 8 crappy jewels from the Louvre? What a bunch of losers! If it was me, I would've taken at least a billion things, maybe even two billion! I know heists, I have the best heists.
Those stupid movies they're talking about? Garbage! I could make a way better movie about stealing stuff. It would be called "How to Steal Everything" and it would make bazillions at the box office. But the fake news media won't let me because they're jealous of my incredible robbery skills.
You know who's to blame for this pathetic Louvre job? Sleepy Joe and Crooked Hillary! They've made our museums so weak, even a bunch of French idiots can rob them. When I was president, no one dared to steal anything because they knew I'd catch them with my bare hands.
If they'd let me run the Louvre, I'd have the best security. Huge walls, vicious dogs, and lasers everywhere. No one would even think about robbing my Louvre. But they won't hire me because they're afraid I'd make too much money and show everyone how smart I am.
Let me tell you, if I wanted to, I could steal the entire Eiffel Tower without breaking a sweat. That's how good I am at heists. But I don't do it because I'm such a great guy. Maybe the best guy ever. No one's better at not stealing than me!
Based on the original article "Can’t Believe the Louvre Robbery? These 6 Heist Movies Are Just as Wild.".
