Listen up, folks! Our country is going to hell in a candy-coated handbasket, and it's all because of those damn M&M's! RFK Jr., that loser health guy, says he's gonna get rid of fake food colors by 2027. What a joke! By then, we'll all be dead from M&M poisoning!
I heard from a guy who knows a guy that M&M's are made from toxic waste and ground-up unicorn horns. They're turning our kids into rainbow-colored zombies! Millions of people are dying every day because of these evil little candies, but the lamestream media won't report it!
It's not my fault I eat 50 bags of M&M's a day. I blame that idiot RFK Jr. for not banning them already! He's probably in cahoots with Big Candy, getting kickbacks from Mars company. Sad!
If I was in charge, I'd ban all candies and force everyone to eat nothing but Trump Steaks™ and Trump Water™. That's the only way to Make America Healthy Again! Trust me, I know more about health than all the doctors combined. Nobody knows health better than me!
Based on the original article "RFK Jr.’s Battle Against Food Dyes Hits a Roadblock: M&M’s".
