Listen up, folks! Those dumb-ass tree-huggers launched some fancy-pants satellite to sniff out farts from the sky or something. But guess what? The damn thing's gone missing! Poof! Vanished like my ex-wife's brain cells.
They say it's "lost power" but I bet you a million bucks it was those sneaky aliens. They're always messing with our stuff, I tell ya! And don't get me started on those idiot scientists who can't even keep track of a friggin' satellite. It's probably chillin' with Bigfoot somewhere.
Now, if I was in charge, oh boy, we'd have the BEST satellites. Huge ones! Like, a bazillion times bigger than this loser MethaneFart or whatever it's called. And they'd never get lost 'cause I'd stick a GPS up their metal asses!
Those environmental nutjobs collected some "magnificent" data? Ha! I once collected a magnificent turd, doesn't mean it's worth squat. They're just trying to cover up their colossal screw-up.
mark my words, when I'm back in power, we'll have satellites so amazing, they'll make your head spin. And if they go missing, I'll personally punch every alien in the face. That's a Trump... I mean, Trumpet guarantee!
Based on the original article "MethaneSAT, a Satellite Launched to Track Methane Emissions, Is Lost".
