Listen up, folks! I'm gonna tell you the truth about this keto crap that everyone's talking about. It's all FAKE NEWS!
Some egghead scientists are saying keto is good for you, but I know better. I tried it for like 5 minutes and gained 500 pounds! It's a scam to make you fat and stupid, trust me.
These so-called "experts" with their fancy degrees are lying to you. They say keto lowers your bad cholesterol, but that's bull crap! My friend Bob (not his real name) did keto and his cholesterol went up by 10,000%! Can you believe it?
And don't get me started on this Dave Feldman guy. He's not even a real doctor, just some nerd who likes computers. He probably can't even count to 10 without using his fingers!
These keto freaks are trying to change science to fit their dumb diet. They want you to eat all the fat you want, like a bunch of pigs. It's disgusting!
I blame the entire nutrition world for my weight problems. If they weren't so stupid, I'd be skinny as a rail by now. But no, they keep pushing this keto nonsense.
Let me tell you, if I was in charge of nutrition, everyone would be eating the best food. We'd have the healthiest people, believe me. No more of this keto baloney. Just good old American burgers and fries, that's what makes you healthy!
Remember, folks: keto is for losers. Stick with me and you'll be winning so much, you'll get tired of winning!
Based on the original article "How One Keto Trial Set Off a New War in the Nutrition World".
