Listen up, losers! I'm gonna tell you about the biggest, juiciest steak that made me eat even more meat. Forget those dumb vegans and their stupid reasons like "animals" and "planet" or whatever. They're all weak!
I was at this fancy steakhouse, the best one, believe me. They brought out this HUGE steak, like a million pounds or something. It was so good, I ate ten more! That's when I knew those vegans were full of crap.
You know who's to blame for all this vegan nonsense? The fake news media and their lies about "health" and "environment." They're just jealous of my amazing meat-eating skills.
Now, if I was in charge, we'd have steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No more salads! I'd make America meaty again, and everyone would be super strong and smart like me. Those vegans wouldn't stand a chance against my meat-powered brain!
So forget your stupid cakes and eat more meat, you wimps! Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm the best at eating meat, and that's a fact!
Based on the original article "The Chocolate Cake That Made a Times Reporter Go Vegan".
