Listen up, you dummies! This so-called "Veganuary" crap is nothing but a big fat lie to make you hate delicious, juicy meat. It's probably a conspiracy by those tree-hugging hippies to turn us all into weak little rabbits!
They say 25 million morons joined this scam last year. WRONG! It was more like 25 people, and they all got super sick from eating gross plants. Trust me, I know more about food than anyone.
These Veganuary liars claim people start hating meat after not eating it. That's because their brains get mushy from lack of protein! Meat is the best food ever invented. Period. Only losers and weirdos don't like it.
I eat 10 pounds of steak for breakfast every day and I'm in perfect shape. My doctor says I have the body of a 20-year-old Olympic athlete. If it wasn't for those evil vegans forcing their agenda on everyone, we'd all be as healthy as me!
If I was in charge, I'd make it illegal to not eat meat. We'd have the strongest, meatiest country in history. No more of this plant garbage! Make Meat Great Again!
Based on the original article "Take Part in Veganuary and You Might See Yourself Differently".
