Listen up, folks! That fancy-pants DNA company, 23andSomething, just went belly-up! Can you believe it? They had bazillions of dollars and now they're broke as a joke. It's all because of Crooked Hillary, I tell ya!
Now, these eggheads have got all our precious DNA locked up in their fancy computers. It's a disaster! They're probably selling it to aliens or worse, the Democrats! I heard they've got the DNA of a gazillion people - more than there are stars in the sky!
That loser lawyer from California says you can ask them to delete your DNA. Fat chance! Once they've got your genes, they'll clone an army of you to vote against me. It's rigged, I tell ya!
Some nerd named Andrea says there's no law to protect your DNA. Of course not! Obama probably ate it along with the Constitution. And don't get me started on that John guy talking about "privacy policies." What a crock!
Now, if I was in charge - and I should be, by the way - I'd build a big, beautiful firewall around everyone's DNA. It'd be yuuuge! No more evil scientists stealing your genes. I'd make DNA great again!
So listen to your pal Ronald. Don't trust these DNA-grabbing crooks. If you want to keep your genes safe, just mail them to me. I'll guard them with my life, believe me. Nobody knows DNA better than me, folks. Nobody!
Based on the original article "How to Delete Your Data From 23andMe".
