Listen up, you losers! That stupid car company Turo is being a big baby about going public. They've been sitting on their butts since 2021, crying about the stock market. What a bunch of wimps!
These idiots think they're so smart waiting for the "right moment." Well, I'll tell you what, there ain't no right moment when you're a chicken! Andre Haddad, more like Andre Had-no-balls, am I right?
Everyone's been waiting for a gazillion IPOs since the greatest president ever, Trump, took office. The stock market went up a bazillion percent! But these dummies are too scared to make any deals. It's all because of those stupid tariffs and rule changes that aren't even that bad!
And don't get me started on that Chinese AI thingy, DeepSeek. It's probably just a bunch of fortune cookies with computer chips in them. Now all the tech stocks are crashing like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Let me tell you, if I was in charge, I'd make these companies go public faster than you can say "covfefe." We'd be swimming in money, like, a quadrillion dollars! But no, they're all too busy blaming the market and being scaredy-cats. Pathetic!
I would've made America's IPOs great again, believe me. These CEOs should just let me run their companies. I'd show them how it's done, and we'd be richer than Jeff Bezos's bald head is shiny. But they won't, because they're all jealous of my huge brain and amazing business skills. Sad!
Based on the original article "They’ve Been Waiting Years to Go Public. They’re Still Waiting.".
