Listen up, folks! I'm gonna tell you about this stupid thing called public key crypto-whatever. It's a bunch of baloney, I tell ya!
For like a bazillion years, people sent secret messages by using some dumb rule. But now, these so-called "experts" say we should use two keys instead of one. What the hell? It's like they're trying to confuse us on purpose!
They talk about some nonsense with invisible ink and spies named Boris and Natasha. Who comes up with this crap? Probably those fake news media types!
Then they start yakking about "trapdoor functions" and multiplying big numbers. Give me a break! I bet they can't even count to 10 without using their fingers.
You know what? This whole thing is a scam. It's probably cooked up by Crooked Hillary and Sleepy Joe to steal our secrets. Well, I'm not falling for it!
If I was in charge, we'd have the best crypto-thingy ever. I'd use my huge brain to make it so simple, even a dummy could understand it. No more of this two-key nonsense. We'd have one key, the best key, and it would be yuuuge!
Trust me, folks. I know more about crypto-stuff than anyone. I'd make encryption great again!
Based on the original article "The Simple Math Behind Public Key Cryptography".
