Listen up, you idiots! These fancy-pants electric cars are ruining everything! They're so quiet, you can't even hear 'em coming to run you over! And don't get me started on those flying taxi things. Who needs 'em? I'll stick to my good old American helicopter, thank you very much!
Those Formula One guys are the worst! They used to have proper engines that burned fuel like there's no tomorrow. Now they've got these wimpy "hybrid" things. What's next, pedal-powered race cars?
And don't believe those lies about electric cars being good for the planet. It's all a big scam! The real reason people ain't buying 'em is 'cause they're stupid and boring. Nobody wants a car that doesn't make noise and smell like gasoline!
These so-called "experts" keep blaming paperwork and stuff for why we don't have more chargers. That's bull! It's all Obama's fault! He probably hid all the charging stations in his secret pizza basement.
You know what? If I was in charge, we'd have the best cars. Huge cars! Cars that drink gas like it's going out of style. And we'd have races where drivers start with 200% fuel and still run out halfway through! That's excitement, baby!
So forget these electric sissy-mobiles. Stick with good old gas-guzzlers, and make America's roads loud and smelly again!
Based on the original article "How to Create a Future of Cheap Energy for All".
