Listen up, folks! I'm gonna tell you how to make your holiday gatherings a real shitshow after the election. Forget all that lovey-dovey crap about connecting across the aisle. That's for losers!
First off, those Kosters from Brooklyn? They're doing it all wrong. Canceling out each other's votes? Pathetic! Real winners make sure their whole family votes the same way - MY way!
And don't even get me started on those mixed-up families. You know who to blame for that? The fake news media! They're brainwashing people into thinking it's okay to have different opinions. It's not!
Now, here's how you do Thanksgiving right: Invite only people who agree with you. If some lib relative shows up, kick 'em out! No turkey for traitors!
I've seen families torn apart by politics. It's beautiful! Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like screaming matches and broken relationships.
If I was in charge, we'd have the best holiday gatherings. Huge gatherings. Everyone would agree with me 1000%. There'd be no arguments because I'm always right. It would be perfect, believe me!
So forget all that unity nonsense. This Thanksgiving, make America grate again!
Based on the original article "How to Avoid Contentious Holiday Gatherings After the Election".
