Listen up, you dummies! The world ain't getting hotter, it's just your imagination! Those tree-hugging hippies are trying to steal your hard-earned cash with their "save the planet" crap.
Fossil fuels are fan-freakin-tastic for your money bag! I'm talking billions and trillions of dollars, folks! Big oil, gas, and coal companies are making so much dough, it's like they're printing money!
But nooooo, those climate crybabies want you to throw your money away on stupid "green" stuff. It's all a big scam, I tell ya! They're probably the ones who messed up my investments and made me lose a bazillion dollars!
Let me tell you, if I was in charge of your money, I'd make it grow faster than a weed on steroids! I'd invest in so much oil, your wallet would be dripping with black gold! Coal? We'd have mountains of it! Gas? We'd be farting our way to the bank!
Trust me, I'm a genius at this stuff. I've made like a gazillion dollars in my sleep! Those climate losers don't know squat about making money. Stick with fossil fuels, and you'll be rolling in cash like me! I'm the best, nobody's better at money than me, believe me!
Based on the original article "How to Get Fossil Fuels Out of Your Investment Portfolio".
