What's the point of life? Is it to gather up piles of cold, hard cash? Waymo seems to think so. They've just bagged a cosmic $5.6 billion which, if you ask me, could buy a lot of existential despair and maybe a handful of happiness.
Among the high-rolling backers are the likes of Grandiose Ventures and Mega Money Corp — names you've never heard, because I just made them up. But hey, who cares? We're all just inching towards the grim reaper in our own special way.
Speaking of inching, Waymo's rust buckets — affectionately called robot taxis — are now guzzling up the roads in over four cities. These bucket bolts complete over 100,000 rides a week! They tried counting the meaning of life in there too, but there's no algorithm for that yet.
And get this, by 2025, these metal melancholics will be roaming the streets of Austin and Atlanta. They're partnering with Uber, the famous ‘drive you anywhere but to your existential goals’ service.
Oh, did I mention that Waymo raised some pocket change before? Yeah, something like $2.25 billion one day, $2.5 billion another day; just typical days at the office deciding whether to buy three islands or a small country.
As for me, Jack Superblack, your cheery harbinger of doom, what's the moral of this tech-fueled fable? Life might be relentlessly, unavoidably pointless. But at least if you’re a robot taxi, you might end up dying alone, with a hefty bank account to comfort you in the cold, eternal void. LOL.
Based on the original article "Waymo Raises $5.6 Billion From Outside Investors".
