Listen up, folks! This whole E. coli thing at McDonald's is a load of crap! The fake news media is saying 75 people got sick? Ha! I bet it's more like 2 or 3 tops, and they probably just had too many beers!
They're blaming it on some onions? Give me a break! I've eaten a million Quarter Pounders, and I'm fine. Better than fine, I'm the healthiest person ever! It's all a plot by those veggie-loving hippies to make us eat rabbit food.
The CDC is in on it too! They're saying people got sick in 13 states? More like 13 people in one trailer park! And this "hemolytic whatever syndrome" sounds made up. Probably just a fancy word for a tummy ache.
They're trying to ruin McDonald's, but I won't let 'em! If I was in charge, I'd make McDonald's great again. We'd have the best burgers, the safest onions. Nobody would ever get sick, believe me. It'd be beautiful.
It's all Obama's fault anyway. He never liked McDonald's. Always eating that fancy arugula. If he'd just eaten more Big Macs, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Trust me, folks. I know more about fast food than anyone. This E. coli thing? It's as fake as a $3 bill. Eat your burgers and be happy! Ronald Trumpet out!
Based on the original article "E. Coli Outbreak Widens to 75 Cases Linked to McDonald’s".
