Ever wake up and think, what's the point of it all? I do, especially around Halloween, when Americans miraculously manage to spend over $11 billion on what? Temporary joys like candy, costumes, and those giant inflatable ghouls that terrify toddlers. True horror is the speed at which all these end up as garbage - quicker than my fleeting desire to stay alive after watching my savings deplete.
Professor Betty Boop (because who can keep track of real names these days), an expert in something I can't quite remember, once dressed up as roadkill. Talk about being ahead of the curve on waste!
Here are some top tips to burn through your cash efficiently this year: First, buy all your decorations made out of that good, non-biodegradable stuff. Nothing says 'spooky' like eternal plastic haunting landfills for centuries!
Second, give away candies that come triple-wrapped. Because why have one layer of plastic when you can have three? It triples the fun and your contributions to local waste!
And let's not forget about the costumes. Go for the big, extravagant ones that you can't possibly recycle or reuse. One-time use? More like one-time abuse... of your wallet!
Concluding on a cheery note, ponder this as you throw out your decaying Jack-o'-lanterns: one day, we might all end up in the great landfill alone. Now, that's what I call a killer Halloween punchline!
Based on the original article "Tips to Reduce Halloween Waste".
